Don't Believe Everything You Think

"We suffer more in imagination than in reality."

Seneca

WHAT IT IS

Leaders make decisions constantly — but many are made in reaction to thoughts, not reality. A story forms fast: what someone meant, why something failed, whether you're equipped. The thought feels like a fact. You act on it before you've examined it.

These four questions — adapted from Byron Katie's The Work — slow that down. Not to dismiss the thought. To examine it. The goal is to see clearly before you move.

NOTICE THIS FIRST — YOU'RE TRIGGERED WHEN…

You're replaying a conversation in your head
You've already decided what someone meant
You feel certain you're right and they're wrong

You're dreading or avoiding a conversation
Your reaction feels bigger than the situation
You're telling a story about why something failed

Name the thought. One sentence. "[Name] doesn't trust me." "I'm not equipped for this." "They're undermining the team." Now run it.

THE FOUR QUESTIONS

Q1: Is it true?

Don't answer fast. Your first "yes" is the belief, not an honest look. Sit one breath longer than comfortable. What's the actual evidence?

Q2: Absolutely true?

"Absolutely" is a high bar. You don't have access to their intent — only your experience of them. Have you been this certain and been wrong?

Q3: How do you react?

The thought isn't just a thought, it's shaping how you're showing up right now. How are you showing up in your body, tone, and choices because you're holding this?

Q4 — WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT THAT THOUGHT?

Not "what if it were false," that's denial. This is imagination. Same room, same person, same moment. The thought simply isn't there.

In your body: Where does the tension go? What relaxes? What opens up? In the room: How do you listen differently? What do you notice that you couldn't see before? In your leadership: What decision or conversation becomes available that wasn't a moment ago?